Why I chose to write

I know I’m not the only one
Who feels what I have felt,
Or has experienced what I have gone through.
God has simply given me
The awesome ability to pack it all
Into a lovely string of words.
My only hope is that you tie that string around your finger,
To remind yourself that
You are not alone.
Take comfort in the fact that we all have moments
Of feeling lost,
But the journey is about finding your way.

Thank you for following along as I find my own.

Quote

Reeking of Pride

Woke up with fingernails smelling of garlic
And on the empty side of the bed,
A pillow stained with pride.
Not sure if it is yours or mine.
The smell will go away eventually,
But the stain can only be removed
When love overpowers it.
Honestly, my ability to love
Has been abused and weakened;
Hanging on by a thread,
Where I only have enough strength for one,
Us or me.
I’ve chosen us
Up until this point,
Since I realized I was the only one
Hanging on to what we have.
Had*.
And I’ll probably be the only one living with this stain.
“Sad it had to happen this way.”
AKA Pride won and a huge loss for Love.

Link

The point where you don’t have to be chill

https://www.vogue.com/article/how-to-let-go-of-chill-girl-persona?social_facebook_pt_aud_dev_cnet2

Itโ€™s chill; far be it from me to enforce boundaries where my self-worth and general wellness are prioritized.

I know it’s wrong to treat new relationships like old ones. My current boyfriend is not the same as my ex. But I think it’s also wrong not to grow from past relationships. After my previous relationship, I made it a goal to focus on myself. No one deserves to be cheated on.

I had to pull myself up by the bootstraps and convince myself it was not my fault. I improved on self-love, self-image, self confidence, self dignity, self worth, etc. I promised myself that I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be prioritized, just as I have loved others and prioritized them. And in this new relationship, if there are times I feel like I’m not being treated fairly, I will voice that.

It’s not a crime to have feelings. It’s not a crime to express them. I am still a “chill” person when it comes to many things. But I will put my foot down when it comes to things have the potential to hurt me or make me bitter: two feelings that should not be in a relationship.

There is a new fire in me; not one fueled by the desire for destruction, but one that has more passion for myself. Hopefully one day, there will be someone in my life (other than family) who will add even more to that fire.

She acts young for her age; she’s immature.

These words were said about me behind my back by a 21-year-old who only knew me for less than 2 hours. I am 23. Not much of a difference there. Though I could care less about what a stranger thinks of me, there are some things I wish she’d learn. If she said this to my face, this is what I would say to her:

You’re talking about age like it’s a defined thing. But age is an abstract and subjective concept. Being 23 to you might mean differently than what it means to me, especially since you have not been 23 yourself yet. Each person has a different idea of what 23 means, so it’s unfair and biased for you to talk about age like that.

If you’re talking about maturity level, again, I think it depends on the person. We each go through a unique set of experiences and handle them differently, whether it’s by growing and learning from them or not. What you’ve observed from me within the two hours that we interacted could not possibly cover the experiences and growth that I’ve been through. Since you disavowed my experiences, I would like to share with you a few things that I’ve learned since I was 21-years-old:

1. You should not judge someone or assume things about someone unless you’ve made the effort to get to know them. Sure, this is something that I still struggle with from time-to-time but at least I’ve recognized this fault and am working on it. What’s more is that you didn’t ask me my age or anything else for that matter. Did you assume my race, religion, and occupation as well? When I met this same group of friends, they all asked me these questions as you should have done.

2. Belittling others is NOT the best way to feel better about yourself. Better yourself by looking inwards.Within the past year, I’ve grown to be comfortable and confident in myself. I’ve discovered more of who I am and what I believe in, and I’m not afraid to express it. Most people, at ANY age, cannot say that about themselves. I will not apologize for whatever I may have said or done to make you think I didn’t act my age. I do not live to uphold other people’s expectations of a 23-year-old. And I am not going to act any differently because you have judged me.

I can only hope that you learn these things someday as well and that you will be a little more open-minded when you meet people. Ask them questions, get to know them the proper way…Each person you meet is a potential new friend, but if you judge them like that right off the bat, that potential is lost.

Much luck to you.